if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
