True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
