also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
