My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
