i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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