she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
