there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
