My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
