dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
