"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
