I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
