At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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