Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
