the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
