Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
