So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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