no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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