so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
