I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
