So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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