I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
