I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
