Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
