So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
