I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
