I think I won the penis lottery.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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