I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
