I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
