How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
