One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
