Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
