Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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