No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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