just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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