Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
