oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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