i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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