god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
