I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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