My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if only i could text you this smell
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
