Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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