Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
