Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
