____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
