he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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