I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
