I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
