i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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