So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
