he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
