Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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