Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
