everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
